6:46 P.M. (CST), 1/12/08

Our first day of work was today. Nothing significant
occurred last night, aside from everyone finishing their unpacking and my dad
and I enjoying our usual midnight snack in the all-night kitchen (which has
already become my favorite feature here at Fatima). Breakfast today was at 6:30
A.M. over at Bethel. I can honestly say that the shower pressure here is almost
enough to knock you off your feet. I turned on the water and suddenly felt like
Niagara Falls was in my shower stall. There was plenty of hot water though,
(although it was traveling too fast to really tell what temperature it was).

Work today was interesting. In a lot of ways, it was some of
the most difficult work to perform on an event like this one. We were putting
down wood boards in bathrooms and kitchens, in order to allow for the laminate
floor to go down tomorrow. It was not work that produced any sort of dramatic
visual change to the house we were working on; as a matter of fact, at this
time tomorrow, none of our work will even be visible.  Most of the day was spend carrying large
pieces of plywood in and out of the house multiple times, in order to size and
correctly perform miniscule cuts to allow the boards to fit. At times, it was
somewhat frustrating, because the walls were not built square, and so we had to
use several unique methods of cutting to get the boards to fit. In the end
though, we completed two kitchens and four bathrooms, all in the span of around
seven hours.

The best part of the day was spending time with the two gentlemen
who owned the house we were working on. Daniel, who was the main owner of the
house, was around all day, helping us out and making sure that we had plenty of
supplies and tools. He loved to just stop for a few minutes and talk, and his
positive attitude was something to admire, especially considering the ordeal he
has been through. The other man who owns the house (I never caught his name)
came around later on, and he was just as wonderful to us. You could tell in his
eyes that he was excited to see his home so close to completion. He had his
little dog with him, Sushi, who was probably the most adorable little dog I’ve
ever seen.

We’re getting ready to head to dinner, so I’ll finish my
thoughts for the day a little later. For right now, I’m really, really, really
hungry.

9: 11 P.M. (CST), 1/12/08

Wow.

For all the people back in Bowie, I have some news for you.

All the food in Bowie…. sucks. Trust me on this one. We just
got back from this place called The Shed. It was a classic southern “restaurant,”
complete with hometown live country/blues band, young waitresses wearing
sexually suggestive shirts, every type of beer known to man, biker gangs and
church groups at the same tables, menus printed on paper bags, and top it all
off, the best food that I may have ever tasted. In all seriousness, I may have
just had the most incredible rack of ribs that I have ever experienced in my
entire life. I had to take a picture of them, simply to make you all jealous. There
is just no comparison to the food down here. I actually feel like I may have
gained a pound or two today… and that doesn’t usually happen.

On a more serious note, I wanted to write a little bit about
the economy down here. It really is fascinating. I included a picture I took of
the largest casino in the area. It was taken from the car, so it’s a little
blurry, but it gives you an idea of how massive these casinos really are out
here, and how incredibly out of place they really look. I already knew from the
report I did for COM111 that casinos were basically the main revenue source for
this area, but it really is stunning and somewhat sad to see how true that fact
really is. In a lot of ways, the economy here is fed by addiction; the gambling
addiction of both the locals and the tourist; and that doesn’t even include the
taxes on alcohol and cigarettes. It’s a different world down here, and there
really is a large irony to the casinos. The money and tourism they attract have
been the cornerstone of the revival of this region, but at their core, they are
places designed to tempt you out of your money and leave you significantly
poorer then when you entered. It’s just part of life down here, and it is
somewhat of a shock when you first experience it.

I’m excited for another day of work tomorrow, even if it is
only a half-day. We have the morning off tomorrow for worship and lunch, and
then we are back on the job sites until darkness. Monday brings another full
day and the beginning of a hard and long week, with many rewards and
interesting experiences to come. I hope everyone is having a good weekend, and
I’ll talk to you all tomorrow night. God Bless.

Ben

8:46 A.M. (EST), 1/11/08

I’m sitting here in the back seat of our limo… err., 15
passenger van, outside of a Waffle House. We’ve been driving since 8 last
night, and I am officially tired. I’m the lucky one in the van though; I have
the back seat all to myself, so I was able to lie down and use it as a full
bed. I actually got about seven hours of decent sleep, interrupted only by our
three am truck stop. (At least I think that really happened… I was tired enough
that it could have been a dream). I’m starting to get excited, and so far the
car ride has been pretty easy. The only interesting sight so far was the man in
the Waffle House sporting a foot-long beard and a Bluetooth headset.

1:50 P.M. (CST), 1/11/08

We’re getting close now; only about 80 miles out. We stopped
at a Chick-fil-a for somewhat of a brunch meal, and I discovered the hard way
that sales tax here is 10%. However, the milkshake was still excellent, even if
the people weren’t quite as friendly.

7:34 P.M. (CST), 1/11/08

I can honestly say that we’ve arrived. We pulled in to
Fatima at around 3 PM CST. Fatima is a small church with a retreat center
adjacent to it, which has been converted into temporary housing for volunteer
workers during the relief effort. We are a part of Project R.E.H.A.B., which
stands for Rebuild Every Home At Biloxi. Without a doubt, the most spectacular experience
so far has been driving over the Biloxi Bay Bridge. For those of you who have
seen the pictures from Katrina of the bridge that was completely destroyed and
ripped off its cement pillars, that was the Biloxi Bay Bridge.

The new bridge is almost complete; the northbound span is
complete and open to traffic (it is set up to temporarily accommodate traffic
going both ways) and the southbound span is nearing completion as well. I do
not take credit for this photo of the bridge, but it gives you an idea of the
incredible construction that has occurred over the few years since Katrina’s devastation.
The new bridge is significantly higher and offers a breathtaking view of the
crystal clear ocean view. I didn’t have a chance to take any pictures because
we were in the car, but I included one that my dad took on his last trip down
here that gives you a sense of what it looks like.

Our dinner tonight (and every other night aside from
Saturday) is at Bethel Lutheran Church, a small ELCA church about a half-mile
from our housing at Fatima. The people are incredibly friendly and happy to
share their stories. Tonight’s devotional session was especially powerful
because several of the groups present tonight are leaving tomorrow morning.
They were given an opportunity to share a few stories about their week and the
experiences that it had entailed. Every person who spoke had a common theme to
their story or anecdote. They all centered around how much had been
accomplished this past week. It is incredibly exciting for me to look ahead and
pray that our stories next Friday are the same as theirs; full of accomplishment
and pride at a job well done, but at the same time, full of hunger and desire
to accomplish more. The great Lord Jesus is alive and well in this place, there
is absolutely no doubt in my mind.

I’m already pondering if this may be a calling. My uncle Bob
and I are in a room together with a young man named Dave, who has spent several
months here in Biloxi and some time in New Orleans. I could absolutely see myself doing something like that this summer, if the right opportunity were to
present itself.

I do have an active internet connection here at Fatima, so I
will be updating with words and photos every night, as I had hoped. Please
continue to pray for the relief efforts here in Biloxi and for all those who
are still displaced from their homes. Feel free to share my blogs with any of
your friends; this is exciting work being done here. God Bless.

Ben

I leave tomorrow for Biloxi, Mississippi, for a week long trip to the Gulf Coast. My plan is to update all three of my major blogs (here, MySpace and Facebook) each night with a summary and a few pictures. I am not 100% sure that I will have internet access to make that happen, but if I do, I am going to faithfully blog each evening. At the very least, I will update via iPhone if I don't have an available internet connection. Please keep our safety and health in your prayers these next several days, but more important, pray for those who's homes we will be repairing; pray that the work we do will have a true impact on this region.

Also, I will mostly be unavailable during the week. I will carry my phone with me at times, and I will answer it occasionally. However, what I would appreciate, if you wish, is just a voicemail or two. Call me during the day, when I will probably be out working, and just leave a voicemail or text message. You all are my life, and I'd love to just hear from you and see how the week is going.

If I do have internet, I would love it if you just took a moment and checked out the pictures and stories I post. This is an area of the country that needs a lot of help, and our small group is just one little piece of the puzzle. I hope everyone has a safe and pleasant week, and I will see you all when I get back! (which happens to be Saturday, January 19th).

I am going to do this year in review in exactly the same style as last year's, with one change. I'm going to try and add some pictures where I can.

2007: The Year It Was

The new year was ushered in with both joy and anger.
I got to spend time with some amazing people, but I also was stood up by someone I thought was a friend.

The next day, I met an incredibly beautiful girl, and we've been together ever since.

Topanaga.
She's a feisty redhead with a lot of personality, and I love spending time with her. I do it a lot.
I just wish I had taken her first ride by myself.

Everything after that was Aladdin.
Tech week hit me like an oncoming train, and then suddenly the show was on stage.
Everything was amazing.
I couldn't have imagined it any better way.

I don't care how many times the BCPA has been sold out since then.
635 people in one night is an incredible number.

High School Musical started immediately after Aladdin ended.
That was tough.
There was no break, no cushion, no buffer week to help me regain my energy.
It was straight back into endless rehearsals for a show I didn't really care about.

Lauren and I started dating right after the first weekend of Aladdin.
She helped keep me sane through those initial HSM practices, when I was so sure I would quit the show.
I broke up with her a month later.

Things worked out as perfectly as they could have though, even though I wasn't really fair to her.

Aladdin closed and struck our set.
It was sad, but expected, and there was a sense of accomplishment from everyone.

The cast party was at my house, and it was incredible.
I don't think I've ever seen that many people in my house before.

Things were pretty much consumed by my after-school activities after that.
High School Musical rehearsals seemingly never ended.

Model UN went to CUMUNC and had a spectacular time.
We received several verbal citations for outstanding efforts in our various committees.
I myself had an awesome time serving as John Mitchell on Nixon's security council.

My committee was full of stuck-up prep school kids, but I didn't care.
It was still an awesome experience.
It didn't sink in until several weeks later that it was my last Model UN debate.

Mock Trial began our playoff march right as High School Musical closed.
We beat Potomac 47-37.
We beat Huntington 51-49.
We beat Thomas Stone 56-53.
And finally, we beat DeMatha 48-47 to win the Circuit finals.

It was absolutely incredible.
I don't think I have ever felt more accomplished in my entire life.
We moved on to states with high expectations.

Disaster struck just as things were looking up.
My state mock trial match was set for the final day of our San Diego
trip.
I was terrified that one or the other would have to go by the wayside.
The problem was, however, that both trips were required.
However, we booked a flight home early from San Diego to make things
work out.

San Diego arrived like a boulder on Indiana Jones; it appeared out of
nowhere and almost ran you over.
The first half of the trip were probably some of the worst days of my
year.
I realized that if someone can't soften their ego enough to apologize,
they aren't a real friend.
But that didn't ruin the trip, because something else happened, and it
was probably the most important thing that happened all year.

See, I met this girl.
Well, that's not the best way of putting it. I had already met her.
But I think we finally met, in the sense of spending time together.
Her name was Kelly Garvis.

I headed home from San Diego a day early.

I had a lot on my mind.
Of course, there was that girl.
Also, there was the matter of the state mock trial match the next
day.

We absolutely dominated the state match.
The other team used gimmicks, cheap tricks and cute poster boards to
try and distract the judge.
It didn't work.
The judge called our team the best defense he'd seen all year.
He wasn't the one judging though, despite all logic to the contrary.
Two lawyers judged the match, and they saw something different.
They had the score as 59-49, in their favor.
It was bogus, ridiculous and stupid, but somehow, it was alright.
I don't know what it is, but I never got upset.
Somehow, I was at peace about it all.

I met the choir at the airport that night.
I used it as an excuse to set up dinner with Kelly the next day.
I asked her out on April 18th, at Uno's Bar and Grille in the Town
Center.
Things have been awesome ever since.

Memorial Day weekend came upon me, and it was awesome.
Camping at Assateague was made all the more amazing by Kelly's
presence there.
It was an opportunity for us to grow closer and just spend time
together.

After that was my senior prom.
It was exactly as I wanted it to be.
Spent with great friends and the perfect girl.

Then I graduated.
I never really had one of those moments where it shocked me to be
graduated.
I just went to the Comcast Center one day, and that was it.
 

I started my full-time job the next day.
June 1st, I started at Music and Arts.

My June was consumed by my new job, and Kelly.
We went to see Phantom of the Opera at the Kennedy Center for her
birthday.
We got completely lost in DC, and I was pretty embarrassed.
The whole thing worked out though.
We laugh about it now.

After June came July, and the monumental arriving of the end of the
Harry Potter books.
I saw the 5th movie 5 times, the day it came out, as my tradition
dictates.
It was excellent, but not the best one in the series.
Just nine days later, I finally tore through the pages of Harry
Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
It was absolutely phenomenal, from the first page to the last page.
It sunk in about two weeks later that the whole incredible journey
was over.
5:01 A.M., June 21st, was when I turned the final page.

My birthday party came next.
It was filled with friends, laughter, fun, excitement, and
everything anyone could possibly want.

I was 18, and ready to face the world.

Things seemed to go at breakneck speed after that.
The rest of summer flew by in a haze of joy.
My beach trip was pretty boring.

I started classes at AACC, and slowly got used to the college life.
It wasn't really any different.
I went to school two days a week and worked six days a week.
It wasn't as hectic as it sounds, but it was still pretty difficult.

I began rehearsals for the teen musical at church, Nowhere to Run.
I had been on stage for the last six shows, and this year was
somehow drafted into directing.
It was extremely difficult and time-consuming, but slowly it began
to come together.
Finally, it made it on stage.
It took a lot of time, and more then a few tears, but we pulled it
off.
It wasn't spectacular, but yet it was.
See, the product on stage was overshadowed by the fact that all of
these youth were doing this for a purpose.
That's pretty rare these days, and it really was a phenomenal sight
to behold.

Kelly and I celebrated six months on October 18th.
I surprised her with an evening cruise on the Potomac.

It was an absolutely incredible evening.
She was stunning; everything worked out perfectly.

Bowie's Homecoming was two weeks later.
We doubled with Lauren and Mike (which became quite the trend as the
year ended).

I finally had a homecoming that I could remember with a
smile, even if it wasn't my own.

Peter Pan premiered a bit later.
Kelly did a phenomenal job, as did Sammi and Ben.
Well, I'm assuming Ben did a great job.
I never actually got to see him do it. (Sorry).

December came along, and with it came dropping temperatures, exams,
and increased hours at work.
My cousin Vickie gave birth to extremely premature twins, born at
around 2 1/2 pounds each.
Jack and Katie; they were beautiful from the moment I saw them.
They are both healthy and growing now.
Katie came home from the hospital yesterday after several weeks in
the Intensive Care unit.
Jack is still there, but will be home with his sister and parents
very soon.

Christmas was simple.
Family, friends, and some time with Kelly.

My cousin Shaina was married two days later.
It proved to me that my extended family can do nothing but gossip
about each other.
I was happy for her.
She found an awesome guy, and is going to get out and experience
life.

The year ended just over 24 hours ago, and so arrives 2008. I
watched the ball drop with Kelly, just as I wanted.

And so brings new experiences, new goals, and new memories.
I leave for Biloxi in just over a week, for a 10 day trip helping
residents rebuild after Katrina.
Biloxi was the hardest hit city of anywhere, and this will be my
dad's third trip down there.
I am incredibly excited that I get to go this time.

I am excited for many other things as well.

My job, and all the challenges it will bring.
College, and where I will transfer to eventually.
Mulan, and all of the incredible success it is going to enjoy.
Kelly's senior prom.
Beach week.
Another awesome summer.
Maybe another year as director of the youth musical.
Spending time with friends and making new ones.
Growing even closer to Kelly.

Most importantly, growing closer to my God, and continuing to
dedicate my life to Him.

Happy Year to everyone. Truly, may you have a phenomenal year.

As Christmas sits on our doorstep, I figured it would be an appropriate time to just sit down and write for awhile, seeing as I haven't really done so in quite some time.

It is hard to put into words how I feel about Christmas this year. Working retail has, without a doubt, put a new perspective on everything. As some already know, I despise the vast majority of Christmas music. I can't stand how obnoxious and overdone it is. Well, as irony always seems to enjoy doing, it decided to place me in a situation where I am forced to listen to Christmas every day, for my entire eight hour shift. On top of that, as I listen to this Christmas music, I am forced to continually maintain a positive and energetic persona while dealing with ruthless bargin shoppers who could not care less if their haggling and rude price demands could potentially get me in trouble. They simply want the best deal, even if I specially state at the beginning of the conversation that we don't haggle. They consider me a tool; not a human being who has friends and family and people I love. No, to them I am just a barrier standing in the way of the perfect Christmas, and in order to achieve it, they have to successfully tear me down until I have nothing left to offer. Am I being slightly dramatic? Yes, I am. But my point is that people who rant and rave about the commercialism of the holidays are absolutely right. I was at Barnes and Noble last night when the power went out, and I saw people just sticking books in their coats and walking out. The alarms weren't working and no one was checking us as we left, so these people saw fit to obtain their Christmas gifts without paying. Tis the season, I suppose.

But in the end, there are a few things that remind me why Christmas does have some value. As an older woman was leaving the store the other day, I smiled at her as I always do and wished her a "safe and merry Christmas." She stopped in her tracks, turned around and gave me a hug and a smile, looked straight into my eyes and said "Merry Christmas to you as well." I didn't cop out and offer a pathetic and feeble "Happy Holidays" or some other commercialized and generic phrase. I believe in Christmas, and if people have a problem with me wishing people a Merry Christmas, they can take that problem and forget it. I used to hate the Christmas season. All it meant to me was time off school and another long car ride to Illinois, where I would spend my time answering the same six or seven questions to people who I felt only asked because they felt obligated to do so. I love my extended family, but they never seem to work up the drive to actually visit us out here, so I don't really feel convinced when they lament about how "we never see you, it's so sad!" Christmas to me because a time of forced smiles and sleepless nights, as each night was on someone else's couch, floor, air mattress or cot. But finally, just this past year, we stayed home for Christmas. I had begged and pleaded with my parents. I wanted so badly to have a Christmas where I woke up in my room, in my bed, with my pillow, my blankets, my alarm, and opened the presents under my tree, in my own living room, in my home. I wanted to go to Christmas morning service in my church, with the people I knew as my extended family; the church family that I have seen every week for eighteen years. And that is exactly what we did. We celebrated as a family. We didn't have to do some ridiculous "open gifts by age" thing, and we didn't have to be subjected to driving three hours on Christmas day to reach another batch of relatives who never seemed to remember how difficult it was for us to be there in the first place. It was just us. Five Garmoes and two dogs, enjoying our home.

To wrap up my point, Christmas to me is about two things. More then Thanksgiving, it is a time that I sit back and give thanks for what I have and the family that I love; just the five of us. Secondly, and much more importantly, it is a time of worship. It is a time when I constantly remind myself that the earthly birth of my Savior was a monumental and earth-shattering event. Forget all of the controversy over religion that plagues the Earth today. Ignore those who try and tell me that my Savior wasn't real; that everything I have devoted my entire life to has simply been a glorified book of fairy tales. Jesus is real. He was really born, in a humble stable. Everything else is just extra. To those who try and take the Christ out of Christmas, I offer you this. Look outside today, in Bowie. There is no snow on the ground. The weather is chilly, but not especially so. There is no roaring wind or driving rain. There is absolutely nothing exceptional about this day, or this week. Why then, do we suddenly declare this "the winter holiday," with no real signs of winter present aside from the temperature? Why isn't winter break in February, when there is often snow on the ground and freezing temperatures lingering for weeks? It is because of Christmas. It is because our society has celebrated for 2000 years, the birth of Jesus in this very time. Yet we see fit to suddenly bestow a Happy Holiday on what has never been a holiday, but has always been Christmas. I just want the world to stop offending me. We are all so scared to offend the Muslim, the Mormon, the Atheist or the Jew. What about me? Where's my holiday? Why I can't I wish you a Merry Christmas just because I'm employed by a company? I love my God, and I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is the truth. That is Christmas to me. So why can't I share that, when the rest of the world gets to share their own beliefs?

So as Christmas draws near, I remain excited. I am excited to spend Christmas here in Bowie again. I am excited to attend Christmas morning service at my own church. I am excited to spend the evening with my extended family of no blood relation; the people I have seen every day for eighteen years. I get to see my beautiful girlfriend on Christmas, and not just wish her a Merry Christmas over text messaging. I don't have to constantly tell my relatives a somewhat fabricated version of who I am. If they really want to know, they can call. I get to focus on what I believe is the meaning of Christmas. Friends, family, loved ones, home, fellowship, and above all, Christ.

Mulan auditions are today. I find myself excited for that simple little fact; not because it has anything to do with me, but because sharing that experience with someone has plunged me into a world of memories from one year ago. As I love to do, I hit the button on my Xanga that catapults me one year into the past. This is my post from roughly a year ago (give or take a week and a half).

So why does this have any relevance? The song I am referring to in this post is "A Whole New World," the title track from Disney's Aladdin. We've all heard it a million times, and to be honest, I never really cared for it. Too many half-talented pop artists have combined to perform obnoxious and overzealous versions of the song for me to ever take a liking to it. Yet, one year ago, I found myself in the position of having to hear that very song, day in and day out, for hours at a time. As I like to say, it truly was irony kicking me in the butt. I was in the midst of an extremely frustrating time with Aladdin. I felt like I didn't have the talent, skill or resolve to accomplish the tasks I was charged with. I felt like I was just a puppet, with my strings being pulled in opposite directions by those who had more power and influence then myself.

However, there was this one day. There was nothing elaborate or fancy about this day; as a matter of fact, if I remember correctly, the only thing that stood out about that day was the high level of stress under which I was operating. Harvard was just days away, there had been some rather nasty rumors circling; one of which had my name attached to it, and I was struggling with the personal battle that I fought my entire senior year. I arrived to practice unprepared, and was forced to adapt quickly, as my co-director decided not to come that day. So I decided that we were going to focus on the song I figured would occupy time, without requiring me to contribute in any intelligent fashion: A Whole New World. My cast warmed up their voices for a few minutes, and then we proceeded to work on the song.

A few trials later, we had our blocking prepared and our voices ready. It was right about this time that the transformation occurred. This group of people, who were probably feeling overworked, irritated, and frustrated at having to listen to a geeky senior with no real theatre experience, did something that no one expected. They produced the most spectacular sound I think I have ever heard. It wasn't perfect, it wasn't loud, and it was only somewhat polished. But it gave me hope. It warmed me inside; it allowed me to forget everything that was so troubling or intimidating during those days, and just plunge myself into an experience that I hadn't anticipated.

In the end, everything I stated previously was true. I was a puppet, being controlled. For all those who may think that I believe otherwise, I promise you, I understand how things really worked. Mrs. Minor got her money; that was all she cared about. Mr. Reams got to control everything and make people feel bad at the same time, and Emily Reams got to exert her ever-present power. I know full well that I didn't really make that show; I wasn't a favorite, and thus would never have been allowed the privileges and powers that certain other individuals have access to. But in the end, something amazing came out of it. For those months; those incredibly stressful and often tear-inducing months, I was allowed to be a part of something I probably won't ever experience again. It was a community event. It was something that lifted my spirits during a time where I had no direction. It just gave me something to care about. Did I really direct the show? Some might say yes, some might say no. From my experience, it was somewhere in the middle. As they always do, the powers that be over at that school had the final word on everything, regardless of how much it may have stepped on my throat. But that's not the point. The point relates back to that day at the end of November, when I had a smile on my face so large, there was nothing that could have taken it away. It was the experience of seeing hard work come to fruition.

So, as Mulan begins its own journey, I hope every day that it enjoys the success of Aladdin. I hope and pray that it outperforms Aladdin, outdraws Aladdin, and becomes the strongest and most successful student directed show in the history of Bowie High. Aside from the obvious reasons that cause me to pull for its success, I want that same experience from Aladdin to be repeated. In those simple moments, from the cast party to the back-stage antics, to every moment that occurred on-stage, I want the student producers of Mulan to experience what I did.  I hope that the adults over at the high school shut up and step aside, as they seem incapable of doing. I just want to see something extraordinary.

It really all comes down to those inexplicable moments of joy. Without those, I don't know if Aladdin could have happened for me.

1) We aren’t going to go back to being friends like we used to. I think
it’s time that you give up on that. I never talk to you, and whenever
we do talk, all you do is complain. You refuse to do anything
productive, and you insult my friends. I don’t understand why you think
I’m going to go out of my way to try and rekindle our friendship. I
still think you’re a really cool person, and that won’t ever change,
but I don’t like who you are now.

2) I guess we weren’t real
friends. I guess I just wasn’t good enough to fit your standards or fun
enough to make the cut. I’m not going to sit around waiting much longer.

3)
I love how we are now, even though I still don’t really understand how
it happened. We went through some of the most difficult things that any
friendship could have, and somehow we came out of it ten times
stronger. I feel comfortable saying anything around you. Thank you.

4)
God, I wish we could have those times back, when you were here and it
was just you and I, talking for hours, making fun of everyone, making
jokes and laughing and contemplating life, all at the same time. I
don’t care what anyone thinks about you; you are incredible. Your
talent amazes me, and I don’t want to lose you. I’m so sorry for the
way I’ve been over these last six months. Please give me the
opportunity to prove myself again.

5) You are a man that I envy;
you are someone that everyone looks up to as an example of strength and
morality. I love being your friend, because we have such good times
together, whether it’s laughing and being ridiculous or just airing out
problems that we have. I have incredible respect for you, and I feel
like you will be there for me no matter what. I’m sorry for some of the
things I felt towards you in the past; I had some really strong
feelings of jealousy that took me a long time to recover from. They
were stupid and immature, and I apologize. Thank you for being such an
incredible friend.

6) I don’t ever want to be your friend again.
You used me, toyed with me, hurt me, ignored me, and in the end,
abandoned me. You are manipulative and you don’t realize that you have
the power to hurt people very easily. I don’t understand what I saw in
you, and I don’t get why I devoted so much time begging for your
attention. Maybe you’ll see this someday, but I doubt it.

7)
We’ve had our ups and downs, and we’ve had a rough patch lately. I
won’t lie; having him back in town has pulled a few old emotions from
the closet. I love you, and I wouldn’t ever give up our friendship, but
I think you need to see a few things about yourself. I really do think
you are incredible; I meant every word of that essay, and I still do.
It has just been rough lately.

8) I’m so glad we got to talk
again. I’ve apologized to you before, and I’ll do it again, because you
deserve it. I’m so happy that you are doing so well, and that life
seems to be laying out its path for you. I do miss those days, when it
was just the five of us, spending time together despite our incredible
differences. A lot of things have changed since then, but I still feel
like we have so much in common. Let’s be close friends again, alright?

9) You have become a part of me; an extension of my daily life. I love you.

10)
For the most part, you suck as a friend. You generally overlook me,
ignore me, and just don’t do a very good job of returning the love I
try to show to you. I still think you’re incredible though, and I want
to be close friends with you. You accepted me from the moment you met
me, and you’ve never judged me since. I just wish you would talk to me
more often. I love talking to you, but I never feel like you want to
take the time.

11) I’m so proud of you. You are beautiful, and
you have become such a strong person who has taken a hold on life and
ran with it. I hope you never look back.

12) I miss you. Your
perseverance in life should serve as an example to every person, and
I’m thankful every day that you have found the person who completes you
and who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Keep him whipped
though; he needs it. Don’t forget about me though, alright? We’ve been
through way too much to let that happen.

13) I want to be your
friend again. I hope you figure out that this is for you. I miss the
time we spent together when I was in high school, making terrible jokes
that no one else found funny. That wasn’t all that I liked about you
though. I enjoyed your maturity and your fresh perspective on our
discussion topics. I also loved how different we were, and I’m sorry we
didn’t become close. Most of that was my fault. I really do remember
all of those times, and I hope we can resurrect them. I respect you.

14)
We didn’t ever make sense, and we still don’t. I meant every word I’ve
ever said about you, and I am still thankful each day that fate allowed
us to meet. Keep living and loving; you know I’ll always be here, no
matter how long it has been since our last conversation.

15) I
haven’t let anyone see this, but I miss you every day, more then I
would ever admit. You are my other half; the part of me that needs to
be let out now and then. You allowed me to experience life when I had
no one to lean on, and you have seen me in my weakest and darkest
moments. You are an incredible servant of God, and I am proud to be
your friend. You are going to make an amazing husband some day.

Short entry here.

Pat Robertson endorsed Rudy Giuliani today, saying that Giuliani's promises to appoint conservative judges and fight Islamic terrorists trumps the concerns that conservatives have about his abortion views.

So, suddenly, when Republicans are beginning to realize that they are doomed to lose the election, they are willing to compromise on abortion. What happened to Pat Robertson insisting that murder was something that could not be compromised on? Other major evangelists are going to follow his lead, and it really is pathetic. This is why these men don't deserve to have such a large influence in America. They only care about the well-being of infants until it isn't politically savvy to do so anymore. The party of morals? I don't think so.

It doesn't matter though. They are going to lose either way; they could nominate the corpse of Ronald Reagan. This country needs leadership, not blind war hawks who wipe blood off their hands like we wash away dirt.

My xanga turned three a few days ago. I know a lot of people have been on here a lot longer then that, but for me, it's mind blowing.

One year ago, I was coming off of one of the worst nights in my entire life. I was terrified about life and college, and I was in the middle of an emotional struggle that would last for another six months.

Two years ago, the White Sox had just won the World Series, which was a small light in the midst of a time that was one of the most depressing portions of my life I have ever experienced.

Three years ago, I was on the verge of making one of the dumbest choices I have ever made, and I was coasting in life, trying to avoid responsibility and the reality of growing up. I also was madly in love with someone who I don't think ever noticed, and who probably doesn't even remember who I am.

Things change, quickly. Today, I am still scared about a lot of things. I don't know what life has in store for me; all I know is that it's time for me to quit asking about it and start finding out. I'm stronger in my faith then I have ever been, and I have developed a close circle of friends who have become an extension of myself. I am looking forward to reading this post again one year from now, and seeing where life has taken me in 365 days. One thing is certain though; you'll be able to follow my footsteps right here.

For those who haven't heard, J.K. Rowling revealed last night that
Dumbledore is gay. I won't lie; I was stunned when I read the news. I
support gay people and their right to be gay; I do not support gay
marriage, and never will. However, I do not like her decision to create
this plot discussion for one very simple reason. If Dumbledore was gay,
and JKR wanted to address this current issue in society in her books,
she should have done that. She should have revealed it in the books. It
is an absolutely boneless move to simply add this rather dramatic
detail several weeks after the series concluded. If she really wanted
to display an open mind to all walks of life, (and I don't know if that
was the objective or not; I'm simply speculating), she should have
actually taken the time to work this fact into her story, where
millions of people can experience it. If she feels it is appropriate to
reveal now, then why couldn't she have done it where she told us the
story of Harry Potter? It was a poor move from an author who typically
displays nothing but grace and poise.

And also, at the risk of
being politically incorrect, I have a 11 year old brother who read this
story on the internet today. I know that people (including, and
especially, myself) continue to insist that Harry Potter is not
children's literature, but the facts show that the majority of the
Harry Potter fan base comes from children. I feel that this was an
inappropriate move on her part, to basically force this discussion
point on families. It is the decision of the parent to choose when to
discuss sexual preference with their children, and this was not a
necessary revelation. JKR needed to either tackle the issue in the
books, where she can introduce it with an storyline to educate children
about being gay and the truth about it, or leave it alone completely.

Now,
before any flips out about me referring to homosexuality as an "issue,"
you know what I mean. As much as many people would like to believe,
being gay is not something that every household wants to address. It is
not as simple as revealing that a character is actually a sibling to
another character or something similar. It is something that will
ignite a political and ethical war of words that will give more
ammunition to fundamentalists and those on the religious right, and
these are not things that the Harry Potter universe needs to be
surrounded with as it slowly beings to wrap up. I don't have a problem
with a gay character, in the very premise of the idea, but JKR did a
very poor job in introducing Dumbledore as gay after the entire series
is over.