August 27, 2012

  • directions.

    I'd characterize my current emotion as one of collective disappointment - it's not that I feel depressed or unhappy, but rather I simply find myself on an incredibly unlucky streak of being let down by individuals who I thought were deeper and more complex than they actually turned out to be. It's not unusual, and it's not necessarily even a negative character trait, but it has thrown me for a bit of a loop. I'm not disappointed in any one specific person, but rather I'm simply frustrated on a broad level over certain scenarios and outcomes. 

    I suppose the best way to summarize is that I'm tired of words. I've reached the point where I find myself hesitant to accept anyone at their word, not because I believe people are inherently inclined to break promises but simply because I seem to disproportionately bond with those of us who can't find a reasonable correlation between the two (meaning those very words and the deeds that become connected to our oaths and vows). People are worth trusting even when they haven't earned it or don't desire it, because none of us really earn or deserve trust. I like to think of myself as trustworthy, but I'm really not - I'm just a flawed animation like the rest of us. People have given me second chances that I rejected out of pride or a failure to accept humiliation and humility (which are both similar and vastly different attribues and experiences). 

    People are exactly that - existential entities, with oddities, quirks, and boundaries. It's odd, but entirely predictable, to go through an extended stretch of bumps and missed connections. At the very least, you're a story.