June 29, 2011

  • i'll never stand alone and have value.

    Tonight's entry was inspired largely by a friend of mine; someone I was close with in high school, but don't consider myself particularly close with anymore. Although I occasionally find myself wishing I was close with this individual again, I've come to the conclusion that it's actually a good thing that distance has developed, and here's why. 

    See, this person patronizes my faith. And that, my friends, is what tonight's entry is actually about. Not friends, family or life; it's about me, and my faith. To be specific, it's about my faith in Jesus Christ, and what it means to me. Now, before you choose to change the channel and avoid a religious lecture, just give me a few more seconds of your time and allow me to elaborate. 

    Here's how an exchange with this person (or people of this nature) will inevitably progress. At some point, we'll be discussing an issue that relates to the mutual values we share as individuals raised in church and brought up with the values of Christianity. We'll share our perspectives and more often than not, find a strong amount of common ground. But in the end, somehow it always manages to happen that a slight reference to my faith is slipped into the conversation, typically just in passing. Usually it's some sort of patronizing statement; a phrase intended to have both no meaning and significant meaning at the same time. When people like this use such phrases, it's for a very simple reason: it makes them feel like they're doing their job as Christians, because they're subtly hinting that I'm a lousy Jesus freak and my refusal to subscribe to their blind and non-researched conclusions makes me both ignorant and inferior. 

    So, allow me to clarify. I was baptized, raised and brought into adulthood within the Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod. I attended private Baptist grade school and middle school. I've asked every question I can possibly think to ask about faith, God, and what His role in my life is. I believe in the death and resurrection of Jesus; I believe that faith and belief in His saving grace is the only path to Heaven. I also believe that my gay friends deserve the right to marry, and I'll probably never vote for a Republican in my life. (I happen to enjoy the earth and would like to preserve it - another fantastic irony of the party of values destroying God's creation. But that's neither here nor there). I'm frequently cynical and downright caustic about overwhelming displays of passion and faith, because I don't feel comfortable expressing my beliefs through methods that seem completely counter-productive to the ultimate goal of allowing others to see the value of saving faith. 

    Here's what I believe is the core of my faith. See, the ultimate message of Christ and His movement is incredibly simple: unconditional. I've ranted about it here before; that word should be the only one that matters. See, when a friend loses a brother or a mom is diagnosed with cancer, there is no greater beacon of love and support than the church. I've seen it first-hand and will see it again; the notion that everything else is irrelevant and the only priority is ensuring your brother or sister in Christ is given support in whatever ways you can provide, be it emotional, spiritual, or anything else. This is what I believe in, above everything else. The value of faith and Jesus is to sacrifice yourself for another; not to judge, hate, spew lies, and tell people why God will deny them salvation due to their wicked choices. I see a fine line between the messages of the Westboro Baptist Church and some of the "values" I was taught in grade school. Obviously, I was never instructed to spew hatred on such an extreme level, but I was taught that Catholics were inferior or considering the possibility that God didn't create the Earth was a sin, because you weren't showing faith. 

    The statement I'm making here is borderline heretical, in the sense that it contains more than a hint of sacrilege. Faith, to me, does not rest as the cornerstone of my walk with God. I was taught to emulate the actions of Christ above all others, and what action is the only decision that matters? Sacrifice. Unconditional, everlasting, self-destroying sacrifice; the desire and willingness to completely disregard yourself in the pursuit of another man's health, safety, happiness, and salvation. 

    I don't worry if the Bible is completely true or not; that's not the cornerstone of my faith. I don't worry if the Creation story is accurate, if the Antichrist even exists, or if Jonah was swallowed by a literal or figurative whale. I don't spend my time organizing "straight camps" or meddling in politics in a desperate attempt to damn enough people to sleep peacefully at night. What I try to do is simple. I try to constantly challenge myself to think differently; to see my faith from the eyes of another religion, or to explore new ways of living the common values instilled in me through my Christian upbringing, of which I am tremendously proud. I try to notice when people are in need, and do what I can to support them. I try to be a good friend, a role model as a brother, and a responsible and appreciative son. But, in the end, I trust God to help me with these things. I trust Him to show me new ways to embrace unconditional sacrifice, because those two words are what I believe is the true cornerstone of an effective walk of faith.

    We're taught to pick up the cross. We are not taught to pick up the cross in order to set the weight of our cross on the first person we can sufficiently damn through our righteousness. We are not taught to shelter ourselves in communities where the love for the organization outweighs the love for the purpose of the organization. We are taught to emulate Christ and sacrifice ourselves first, in order to find humility and joy through others. 

    If this was the attitude I could find in mainstream Christianity, I'd have more of a desire to be a part of it. For now, I'm content to live as my imperfect self, taking each new day as a challenge to learn more about unconditional sacrifice. It's all that matters.