October 3, 2010

  • fool's gold and oreos.

    I haven't been in this terrible of a mood in a really long time. It drives me insane to see you still working there despite being a liar and a coward. It drives me crazy to see you say things about me having no clue what you even mean because you're so desperate to classify me into some sort of box that will make sense. It drives me crazy to hear your half-ass apologies that only happen in order to get me off your back. It drives me crazy to know that I'm pretty positive I can't make the decision I was so sure was the right thing to do. It drives me crazy to see you happy. I won't mean this tomorrow, but tonight I'm vindictive and upset and on the verge of breaking down because I'm so sick of people creating a picture in their mind of who I am and refusing to accept when the facts might contradict their version of reality. I still lay awake at night thinking about Estes Park and what went wrong. I still don't understand why you even bother taking the time to talk to me when it's so incredibly obvious that you just spend your time judging inside your head. I miss you, desperately. You're still the only person who took me as I was and let me stay there, and I regret not grabbing hold of you when I had the chance. I think you're terrible at your job, I think you're a stuck-up asshole with half a brain, and I think you're the most beautiful person I've met in my entire life. I think you're an ignorant fool, I think you're still desperate for people to believe you're an adult, and I think you might literally be the perfect girl.

    I need something to show me why it's even worth bothering anymore. I miss the people, but I don't miss the judgment; the gossip, and so much else. The ground is shifting, and I don't have somewhere to stand right now.