September 19, 2007

• I've always found it funny how my Xanga entries go in waves. Once in while, I'll hit a time period where I post three or four times a week, on everything from my current situation in life, to the current issues of the day, to the stupidity of some famous individual who has given me the opportunity to employ a few bits of creative humor. I must say though, I love this blog. I remember getting a little disappointed at first when everyone left xanga, but now I'm glad that it happened that way. I'm glad that there are only a few people who still write here- it keeps me from having to sort through endless lines of random information in order to read the few lines that really matter. A lot of people claim that personal blogs are an immature thing; I've heard people tell me that part of growing up is finally deleting that blog and forgetting all of those posts of depression, immaturity, hatred, love, hope, passion and all of those other feelings that just seemed to pour into a blog during those uncertain high school times. I would simply respond that anyone who feels removing the past is part of growing up is simply denying the fact that it still exists, and there's no point in pretending it doesn't. Of course you don't have to dwell in it, but there's a big difference between not dwelling in the past and forgetting the past. I used to have an argument frequently about this with a former friend of mine. They would ask me why I was able to be so open about the stupid and ignorant things I had done throughout life. My simple response is that everyone is in the same boat. We have memories and times in our lives that we wish we had never happened, so what good is it to pretend that I'm the one person who doesn't have those memories. Embrace them, laugh about them, cry a little bit, but most importantly, share them, so that someone else doesn't go the same path that you did.

  So how am I? It's a question I haven't answered on here in quite awhile. To put it really simply, I am happier these days then I can ever remember. I am not living for one grand purpose or one massive goal, but rather for the true and simple beauty of life and the blessings that it brings. I miss my best friend. I haven't really told anyone that, and I don't really talk about him much, but I miss Matt every single day. I miss the incredible relationship that he and I have. But most of all, I am more happy for him then you could ever imagine. He is out there, doing the work of an amazing God, making friends and living life to its fullest, and becoming a true and honorable man, in every sense of the word. He is away from his family, who has provided him with so many difficult days, and he is away from a town that he has known for all his life. For all of this, I am as excited as one person could possibly be. But I miss him.

  Kelly is amazing. I don't generally write about relationships on here, and this isn't going to start a trend, but how could I give you a life update without putting into words this beautiful young woman that God has given me the privilege of getting to know. Thinking about her just makes me smile a little; there's no other way to put it. It is a feeling of simple connection, of getting to know an individual who has become so much to me. I can't say a whole lot more then that, but I think my lack of words for a subject speaks much louder then any prose I could eventually conjure up.

  For some strange reason, my job makes me happy. Not because it's what I want to do with my life, and not because there's some incredible aspect of it that is providing me with daily support. Simply, it's a good job, with lot of good people. The employees are fun and (for the most part) hardworking, it's not a job that requires endless hours of labor or ridiculous hours at times when I really would rather not work. It's a good situation and a steady source of income.

  The time that I spend with my friends has dwindled quite a bit since the school year began, but it hasn't really upset me at all. I know the people who I truly have a deep relationship with will always be there as a friend, even while both they and I continue to be busy almost every single day. I've also had the privilege to grow a lot closer with a few people recently as well, and I'm extremely thankful for that. I think I am coming to the realization though that some of my relationships with high school friends will eventually fade, especially as I start to explore school and life options that will take me to places beyond Bowie. It isn't to say that the love I have for these people has dwindled, but rather that it has taken on a different shape; a shape of shared memories and the hope for a rekindling at some future date. I don't know exactly where life is going to take me at this point, but I'm pretty excited to see where I am a year from now.

  The play is going to be very interesting. I will be intrigued to look back on this post three weeks from now, when I know exactly how the musical eventually turned out, and remember how uncertain I was concerning its current state. I have worked endlessly on the preparation of the play, but I'm not quite sure if everything is going to come together in time. We shall see. God will take things the way he wants them; that's all I know for sure.

  In closing, I won't ever leave Xanga. I love it here. Even after everyone else has moved on, I won't let this humble little blog of mine end. There is too much life here, too much love, too much passion, too much anger, too much sadness, too much everything. There is a little piece of me here; a small slice of life, and that's not something I could ever dispose of.

  • 12:49 PM
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