March 25, 2007

• beyond my understanding.

  Sometimes I find inspiration in the strangest of locations. My brothers borrowed Cheaper by the Dozen from me tonight, because they were bored and decided to watch a movie. I was otherwise occupied for most of the evening, but happened to walk in the room during a few points. One of the points that I sat down and watched for a few minutes was when Steve Martin's character is giving his speech to his family about how important each one them are-- all 14. Yes, I know it's a cheesy Hollywood movie with Hilary Duff and Steve Martin being occasionally serious, but it got me thinking about the importance of life and of relationships.

  During a recent class in AP Psych, we were talking about how humans are meant to interact. We are social creatures, and we have a natural and inherent desire to be around each other and to form bonds and social hierarchies that will define who we are. These two events in combination helped me gain a perspective on how important people are. Yeah, it's really easy to say how important people are to you-- of course they are. It's an obvious and simple conclusion to reach. But think about it on a little bit of a deeper level. You wake up in the morning, and the mood in which you leave the house is defined by the people you encounter. If your father or mother was in an especially good mood, and decided to wake up early and cook a big breakfast, there's a strong chance that you are going to be awake and prepared to meet the day. The one time that I've ever come to school in full-fledged tears was the result of an hour-long shouting match that took place that morning, interrupted only by the brief warmth of the shower. However, that one morning was somehow salvaged by the unconditional love of one of my most amazing friends, who poured out unconditional love beyond what I could have imagined. I still didn't have an enjoyable day, but it wasn't ruined any longer. Just as my encounter with people started my day out on the wrong foot, my encounter with people gave it a dose of something so amazing and compassionate, I could barely believe it.

  It can work in reverse too. About two weeks ago, I had an amazing morning. I woke up feeling refreshed, awake, and at peace with a lot of things that have been tearing me apart. I joked with my dad, helped my mom, gave Charlotte a ride and just basically enjoyed the beauty of being alive. People put me in a good mood that morning, and they helped me prepare for the day with a positive and peaceful outlook. However, around an hour after I got to school, a friend of mine made a remark to me that I found to be so incredibly hurtful and insulting that it completely ruined my entire day, in the span of one ten-second period. I was noticeably upset for the remainder of the day, and didn't manage to shut myself down and get to sleep until after three that night. I pretty much isolated myself  that evening, because I was so upset by the way in which I was portrayed by this person that it made me feel completely useless.

  Where am I going with this? Well, I'm not completely sure-- I'm sorta just letting it flow. See, I love writing about beauty. For those of you who read my paper about love, that entire paper came from a feeling of beauty. I got this sense of beauty in love that day, and this was during a time period where I was very insecure about myself and scared for the direction that life was taking me. But something grabbed me, and forced me to see that no matter what I was struggling with, and no matter what was affecting me, I am so incredibly blessed to be alive in the world that I have today. I really only believe that about half of the time, but when I do, it makes me feel so incredible, I can't even describe it. When I can honestly accept the fact that I have a true purpose in life and that people honestly care whether I exist or not, then everything feels right. However, on those other days, when I don't believe or see how incredible life can be, there is nothing that could ever bring me back. It's pretty scary to think about in a way, how easy it is to lose focus. It is so simple to watch life in a mirror, only caring about yourself and how you happen to feel that day. Think about it a little bit-- we're all guilty.

  Alright, I'm going to wrap this up. I barely said anything meaningful, but here's the simple though behind it all. We aren't here to love ourselves first. If we were, we wouldn't need anyone else to even exist. We exist for other people. We exist to love each other, to interact with other and to care with each other. That's why love isn't some cheap McDonald's toy that China can mass produce; it's something special. That's why it's so important to respect everyone and treat them like you would yourself. Every person is human, from the simplest toddler to the cruelest and most inhumane serial killer. We have to be so careful with every single thing that we say and do, because they can have dire and extreme consequences that we will never ever see. So, somehow, I managed to tie this to the beginning-- in a very roundabout way. I should call it the Amelia Earhart method, minus the whole part where it ends up crashing and never returning. That's not really the intention.

  • 12:53 AM
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